the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You need a sexual gate keeper
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
