sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
