You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
