I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
