So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
