Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
