Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
