i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
