I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
