Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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