it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
