Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
