I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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