she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
