And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
