My nipple is on Facebook.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
