i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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