tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I need moral support for this bender
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
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