Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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