That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
