Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
