True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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