Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just want to make out with him forever
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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