oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
