Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
