I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
