This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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