I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
