Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
