My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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