The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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