so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
