He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
