he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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