I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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