I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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