I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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