I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
