i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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