Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
this beer tastes like vomit already
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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