So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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