she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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