He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize