Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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