smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
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