flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think my moral compass just broke
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
