What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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