This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
