I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
how does that bad decision feel?
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