Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
