remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We left an ass print on the piano.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
