Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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