thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
