she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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