New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
