You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Plan B is the new Plan A
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
