So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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