i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
