We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
