my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
