one might say we're banned from that church
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
