Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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