My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize