I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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