Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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