he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
