Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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