this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
