enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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