I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize