So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
